Is She a Good Baby?

My youngest, Amber, is now 9 weeks old. She is entering a very cute stage. She's lost her newborn shrivelled look and is getting chubby cheeks and a gorgeous smile that lights up the room, and melts hearts! I usually wear her in a sling because she tends to cry in her buggy and I can't go anywhere at the moment without being stopped by cooing women wanting to look at her! The questions I get are always the same, and the conversation goes like this:

Stranger, smiling: Aw, isn't she lovely! How old is she? She is a girl isn't she?

Me, smiling back: Yes, she's a girl! She's 9 weeks old.

Stranger, moving in closer: She's gorgeous, and just look at that smile!  What's her name?

Me, turning the baby round a bit so the captivated stranger can get a better look: Amber

Stranger, now talking in a baby voice to get more smiles from the happy baby: What a pretty name! You are lovely aren't you? Oh yes, you know you're lovely don't you? 

And here's the crunch. The next question kills it for me:

Stranger, now turning Scarlett or Sienna, my two older girls who are patiently standing with me: Do you like having a baby sister? I bet you do! Is she a good baby?

(Is she a good baby????  I ask you! Now what is a 5 year old supposed to say to that? - 'No, she's bad, really bad, she steals and swears and smokes'?)

Scarlett, squirming, nervously giggles: yes, she's good.

Me and the the stranger part company, the stranger feeling a warm glow inside, while I am quietly seething.

Now this conversation may seem innocent to most people, but to me, its a symptom of a bigger issue. How can a 9 week old baby be anything but good? What the well-meaning lady means is 'does the baby cry much?' That's different. And what if I said 'No, she's not good.' What then? Does the stranger say 'Oh what a shame'?

I think the 'Is the baby good' question irks me because right from the start of a new life, we learn that to be unhappy or to struggle or have issues is bad. A 'good' person is always happy. Its 'bad' not to be on top form all the time.  It makes me want to scream!

I will love my baby just the same if she screamed all day and all night. Yes, life would be a lot harder, but my love is unconditional. I want my kids to grow up knowing that its ok to be good or bad - mummy's love (and more importantly, their Heavenly Father's love) won't change if they have a bad day, or a bad week, or a bad year.

We live in a performance-driven society where we strive to be successful, and feel bad about ourselves if we don't reach our goals. Its so sad that so many people base their self worth on their achievements, their success, their ability to be a 'good' person. I don't want my kids to feel that pain. So forgive me if I slap the next person who asks if my baby is 'good'!