One of the benefits of having an unsettled baby is that you are awake in the small hours of the morning and you can have those 4am hazy chats with God that have an honest quality to them unlike daytime prayers when your rational brain can get in the way and obscure how you really feel.
I was talking to God about how I was hurting with the way, after praying every night for Amber to sleep better for months and months on end, there has been no improvement at all. In fact, she has got worse. I ended up coming round to telling God that I was still upset by how we prayed and prayed for a friend of ours a couple of years ago, yet she died of cancer and God didn't make her better.
Its hard to persevere in prayer when you feel God can hear you but for one reason or another doesn't seem to be getting involved. But then it occurred to me that there are plenty of other cases where God has intervened, and people I know have got better. In my 4am openness I began to feel bad that I was giving God a hard time over one disappointment, one grief, and letting that experience determine my faith, instead of looking at all the times He has graciously stepped in and saved.
I became aware that I had been dwelling on thoughts that weren't from God, feelings that hadn't been brought into the light, and I'd let them come between us. 'Take captive every thought and make it submit to Christ' I remembered.
My doubts of the consistency of God's affections for us are obviously harmful, but what's the antidote? The Truth. I felt the need for some truth. Truth to fasten tightly round my waist so I can stand my ground in my struggle to persevere. I thought about all kinds of scriptures, but what it all boiled down to, the thing that I really needed to hold on to is this: God is love. By His very nature He is loving. He doesn't turn it on and off.
Then my prophetic side kicked in, and I felt the need to ask a wider audience: What truth do you need to hold on to today in your own personal struggles? Everyone needs the belt of truth to hold their trousers up! I felt God wanted people to ask Him what truth they need to hear as the antidote to their own fears, insecurities, doubts, and worries that quietly fester under the surface.
When it came time to get up this morning, all my thoughts of the night started to dissipate, and I was wondering how much of the conversation was me, and how much was divine, but when I sat at my desk, I found an anonymous card that someone from church had passed to Matt for me last night saying this:
You are loved by Love Himself.
Ah, ok, so I was hearing from God last night! But then I had to get the girls ready for school and nursery, and take Amber to get her 12 month injections, then feed her and put her to bed, and again, the motivation to write was fading as the day went on.
But as I was giving Amber her lunch, I got a message via a friend on facebook saying she had been praying for me. She said this:
Struck by how much intimate, interested love Jesus showed for his disciples the night before he died. Such care to encourage, equip and also in the smaller issues such as organising where they had the meal etc.. We have an awesome God whose love for you is not just BIG but also has daily and detailed interest. What an amazing person in whom to trust!
God seems to be really keen I get this Love thing today!
Maybe God has something He wants you to grasp too, so may I urge you to take a minute today to ask God what is the truth that He has for you, the truth that can empower you to keep going and enable you can stand firm and like me, resist those niggling feelings that erode our faith.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6)
Thanks for reading, have a great day!
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