I was listening to a CD while making dinner yesterday, not particularly paying attention to the music, when without me realising it, the words of the song started to make the drop from my head to my heart.
The song went like this:
My darkness is not dark for you
My night shines as day
When I lose my way there is no shadow of turning, no shadow of turning
If I go astray you show no shadow of turning, no shadow of turning
When I feel ashamed there is no shadow of turning, no shadow of turning
No Shadow of Turning. Kathryn Marquis.
'No shadow of turning' struck me in a new way. The words come from a verse taken from the book of James in the Bible:
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
It struck me that God is so consistent that He doesn't turn away from us in disappointment or disgust when we mess up or let Him down, or follow our own agenda.
He's always facing us.
Somehow in my heart I had been believing that God sometimes turns His face away from us. Doesn't it feel like that when nothing is going right? When disaster strikes, and we can't see God's intervention, doesn't it feel like God has turned away?
Conversely when we're feeling blessed and things are going great, don't we feel like we've got God's full attention?
The Bible is full of verses that tell us that God doesn't save us from trouble, but He's with us in trouble - "The righteous face many troubles but the Lord delivers them from them all". Psalm 34:19. And yet, the hard times are still painful.
I guess it must be me who finds it hard to look God in the eye when I'm struggling, not the other way around as I had thought. Growing up in a culture that idolises success will do that to you. Its hard to receive unconditional love when you don't feel you've done anything to deserve it. Its hard to lift your eyes when you feel lost or afraid, ashamed or frustrated because meeting His gaze will break you. Undo you. Reduce you to your knees in gratitude. It'll make us stop the striving, stop desperately trying to hold it together.
No Shadow of Turning. I'm going to try to remember that.
Me too. You're absolutely right that God never turns away from us. In my darkest moments, he's been right there, almost in my face with his acceptance and support. Great post x
ReplyDeleteYeah, the Father turned away from the Son on the cross so that he would no longer have to turn away from us. I think you're spot on with the "it's hard to look God in the eye when we're struggling, rather than the other way around".
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